I DID IT! I CAME OUT TO HR

I feel like I've finally made another achievement in the long process of becoming a woman. I finally came out at work to HR about my decision to transition while on the job. Even though I really did not want to.

It all started when I began to see my therapist again. She and I spoke about what my plan for transition would be. What I wanted to do was to start taking hormones and find a job literally anywhere else. I for one, knew it wasn't a very good plan and she didn't think so either. Fairly quickly, we both realized I didn't have much of a plan at all. She decided to make it a requirement that in order to get a letter of recommendation from her I'd have to come out to Human Resources about transitioning on the job and talk to a psychiatrist.

When my therapist said she wanted me to come out to HR, my heart literally sank. I didn't want to ever come out at work. I wanted to start hormones and be as discrete as possible when it came to my transition than boot it out of there by the time it became noticeable. Which looking back on it now wasn't a very good idea because changes occur gradually. My coworkers may have been able to tell at any given stage of my transition. So, coming out to HR was part one of two of the new plan.

The way I came out to HR at my job was simple. I decided I'd send her an email asking if she had any time this week where we may talk privately. Right as I pressed send on the email, I knew there was no turning back and here came the anxiety again. I was deathly afraid and was hoping she'd reply no, but I knew that would never happen. A few minutes later she replied and said to come see her the next day at 1:30 pm. After that, I decided that I should probably calm down. It's the state of New Jersey I live in. She can't be anything but accepting and nice to me about it here. Honestly, reminding myself about that calmed me down quite a bit and I realized, it wouldn't be so bad.

By the time I got home that day I couldn't stop thinking about what her reaction would be when I told her I'm transgender. And the idea stayed in my head throughout the entire night. I just couldn't stop thinking about it as I went to sleep that night. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and look at the time on my phone and wonder how many hours I have left until I'd have to tell her.

Eventually, the morning came, I got up and started getting ready for work. To my surprise, I was quite calm again. I had no anxiety and no feelings of dread. I was feeling quite joyful that morning. I made my way to work that day and when I arrived I told my manager that I had a meeting with HR at 1:30 and progressed throughout the rest of my day feeling quite fine.

The time had finally arrived for me to go see HR and I have to admit, at this point my nerves were starting to get to me a little. I drove to the main building and realized that from now on, there is no going back. I walked over to HR's office and I saw the lady I was supposed to speak with and we went into another private room where we were able to talk among ourselves. She asked me what was wrong and I began to talk. At this point I feel like my mind just went into autopilot and I just couldn't comprehend what was going on. I told her I am transgender and will start hormones while working here. But my mind just couldn't comprehend that these words were coming out of my mouth. It was like I was suspended in time. Since my mind was on autopilot, I also missed her reaction to what I had just told her. If she even had one!

As our conversation followed along I began to

come back down to earth and I realized that she seemed happy. She complimented me on the fact that I came out at work and gave me a

a pamphlet of all the benefits that are provided through my employer. She said that they're here to support me throughout my transition and if I ever need to take disability leave, I'm welcome to it. Seeing how happy she seemed for me really put me at ease. I feel a little better about transitioning at my job and think I may even stay here after I've fully transitioned.

If you're having a tough time coming out at work, just remember it may not be as bad as you may think it will. Have hope and have faith that it'll all be okay. Remember, life is best on the other side of fear!

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment and share. My twitter handle is @Jennavie_C follow me. Xoxo.

#comingout #transgender #comingoutatwork